Free worksheet
The Pause Practice™
A one-page worksheet for the moment you want to text him.
Keep this page somewhere close — saved on your phone, printed by your bed. When the silence starts to feel unbearable, work through the three movements in order. Nothing here is about making him chase you. It is about giving the choice back to you.
1 · Regulate
Write exactly what you would like to say to him — but don't send it. Don't edit. Don't try to look strong. Don't try to look indifferent.
The unsent message
Then step away from the phone. Choose at least one, and give it real time:
- A walk, even a short one
- A warm shower or bath
- Slow breathing — in for four, out for six
- Movement that suits your body
- Tidy one small thing
- Music that holds you
- Talk to someone you trust
The question
“Do I still want to say this — or did I just want to end the anxiety I was feeling?”
2 · Communicate
If the answer is yes — you still want to say it — say it once, simply and directly. Sending a message doesn't make you needy. Expressing a need is not weakness.
A calm template
“I've noticed you've been more distant. I hope everything is okay. When you can, I'd like to talk to you.”
My message, in my own words
A healthy relationship will never require you to calculate every word so as not to seem too interested.
3 · Observe
Now watch. Not what he says — what he does. Over weeks, not evenings. Use this log each time the pattern repeats:
| When it happened | What he did | What I did | How I felt after |
|---|---|---|---|
If the behaviour repeats, the answer is not a better message — it is a boundary. A boundary is not “you have to reply immediately”. A boundary is about what you will do:
“I understand that you may need space and I don't expect constant contact. But disappearing for days without any communication doesn't work for me. If you need space, I'd rather you simply tell me.”
A boundary without a personal consequence is just a request.
My boundary, in one sentence