Unglamorous, consistent behaviour. Green flags rarely feel like fireworks; they feel like your nervous system settling.

Their words and their calendar agree

Plans are made, kept and repeated. You do not have to interpret their interest; you can observe it.

Curiosity about your inner life

They ask questions and remember the answers. Attention is directed at who you are, not only at how you look or what you provide.

A 'no' is received without punishment

You decline something and the temperature of the relationship does not drop. No sulking, no withdrawal, no bargaining.

Repair after friction

Conflict ends in understanding rather than in a winner. They can say what they got wrong without a performance of self-hatred.

They like your life, not just you

Friends, family, work and rest are treated as part of you rather than as competition for their attention.

Emotional weather is named, not thrown

"I had a hard day and I am short-tempered" instead of an unexplained cold front you are expected to decode.

Yellow is not a verdict, it is an instruction: gather more evidence, at normal speed, and see whether it resolves or hardens.

Intensity far ahead of intimacy

Declarations of love, future plans or exclusivity before they could plausibly know you. Speed can be sincerity — it can also be a way to skip your judgement.

Every ex was 'crazy'

A history with no shared responsibility usually means you are hearing the story you will one day be in.

Inconsistent availability

Warm for three days, distant for four, with no explanation. Unpredictability creates attachment; it is not the same as interest.

Small disrespect, quickly laughed off

Jokes about your body, your work or your intelligence, followed by "you are too sensitive". Watch whether it stops when you say it hurt.

Vagueness about the basics

Living situation, relationship status, work, weekends. Privacy is normal; a fog around ordinary facts is not.

You are already editing yourself

Rehearsing texts, softening opinions, hiding needs. Notice this early — it is information about the dynamic, not about your worth.

These are not compatibility problems and they are not yours to heal. Where safety is involved, planning matters more than confronting.

Any physical force, or the threat of it

Grabbing, blocking a door, punching a wall, driving dangerously to frighten you. Intimidation is violence even when nothing lands.

Pressure or coercion around sex

Persistence after a no, guilt, sulking, removing a condom, sex while you are asleep or intoxicated. Consent that is worn down is not consent.

Rewriting what happened

You are repeatedly told that events you clearly remember did not occur. Chronic reality-denial erodes your ability to trust yourself.

Control of money, movement or contact

Checking your phone, monitoring your location, restricting work or friendships, controlling spending. Coercive control is a pattern of confinement, not jealousy.

Your leaving is treated as a threat

Threats to harm you, themselves, your children, your pets or your reputation if you end things. Seek support before you act; this is the highest-risk moment.

Contempt as a habit

Humiliation in public or private, name-calling, mocking what you care about. Contempt predicts the end of a relationship better than conflict does.